lastjinstanding | Brothel meme continued

If he leaves this room in the next three minutes with this smile on his face, everything is going to be okay. That was the plan. He so easily could've succeeded. He was so close.

It feels like a fabric bag with a load of heavy rocks. It has been holding the weight for a time but just when you start to relax, the first few threads snap. The others quickly follow and without another bag or some other kind of support, the fabric shreds and the rocks tumble.

He can't breathe. Just when his knees hit the floor, he doesn't know, but Jin Ling can't breathe. Fear gripes his heart like boa constrictor around it's prey, squeezing so painfully he wants to scream. He gasps but it's useless as his lungs burn, crying for relief. He can't get air.

~~~

"I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't just witnessed it not ten minutes ago. He was being so gentle with Yuan and he couldn't take his eyes off him. He looked.. he was happy." He snorts a laugh and shakes his head. "And the guy isn't anything what you'd think Jin Ling would be into! He's shy and soft spoken. If I didn't know better, I'd say he was a Lan!"

That question makes him laugh again. "That was a strange part. Again, I wouldn't have believed Ling's story if Yuan hadn't backed it up. Get this.. Yuan's party was traveling to Yanling for something, I didn't ask what. They get attacked by not one but two dire bears. Ling comes upon them and kills them with his night hunting party that just happened to be nearby. Those things are nasty! He didn't have any injuries that I could see either, but I guess he could be hiding it well. That sounds like something he'd do. But do you think he could've gotten that much better that he can take on two of those monsters?"

For a second, he isn't sure what's happening when Jin Ling drops to his knees, but he's already moving towards him all the same. He realises what's going on by the time he reaches the younger man, kneeling down beside him and resting a reassuring hand on his back.

"A-Ling," he says worriedly, rubbing his back soothingly "it's okay. Whatever is going on we can fix it, it's going to be okay."

He doesn't know that, can't know that, but he does know they've already been through hell and back (possibly literally, in his case), so he's sure they can handle whatever Jin Ling's struggling with. He has no idea exactly what's going on or what set him off, but he'll always have his back.

~~~

"I need to see this," Zizhen says, shaking his head in amazement "Jin Ling being gentle? Really?"

He thinks it makes a sort of sense, though, Jin Ling kind of needs a calming presence in his life (a bit like his uncle), so he can see why somebody sweet would work well for him - though with Jin Ling being such a forceful person, he really hopes this Zheng Yuan can put his foot down when he needs to.

"Two dire bears? That is..." he trails off with a frown. It does sound kind of unbelievable, and with no injuries too? And what was Jin Ling doing going on a night hunt without inviting the two of them? "I wonder what Yuan was travelling for... guess it must not have been that important if he went off with Jin Ling instead..."

There's.. kind of a lot of holes in this story.

Someone's trying to kill me. The captain of my guard is involved but I don't know how or who else is connected. A prostitute has stolen my life and my heart. I can't handle his cute face. I miss my family but don't want to risk anyone's life but my own. Things keep going wrong for no reason and I keep looking like a fool. I can't get anyone to trust me. How do you know someone else's heart?

He has so much he wants to say and can't find a way to say any of them. He'd never been taught. He didn't know anyone who'd asked for help when they needed it, so why should he be the first?

However, he leans a bit against his uncle's support and fight's to calm down and trust his words. At least in this place, for this week, he was safe. Nothing bad could happen to him here. "I'm sorry. I'm not a child, I can handle this. Just.. I need a second to catch my breathe." He looks up at the man he once hated and gives a grateful, weak smile. He appreciated Wuxian more than the guy knew.

Maybe he did have one question, though. "How did HanGuang-Jun know he could trust you?"

~~~

"Right? He has Yuan completely fooled too. He kept saying Ling was sweet and had been taking good care of him. It was weird." He shakes his head, but then he recalls something else Yuan had said. "He said Ling's also been buying him a bunch of presents."

He had to admit when Zizhen put it that way, it did seem a lot more far fetched. Why had he believed the story? "So either they met some really lame way and Yuan is wanting to suck up and backed Ling's stupid story, which is sort of cute or Ling's really hurt and hiding it or there's something more devious going on. I mean, it is a Jin we're talking about. Although I didn't really think Jin Ling was like that."

Exaggerating a night hunt, sure, that didn't really count in Jingyi's book as 'lying'. It was just what some cultivators did, especially competitive ones like Ling. It was all good fun and even if Jingyi didn't do it (he's still a Lan after all) he didn't condemn his friend who got carried away. The bear story was getting carried away. He was worried of something more serious.

Wuxian doesn't tease or push, he just nods, letting him take his time and come around. There's clearly been some pressure building and something has made it break, all he can do is be here to help pick up the pieces if Jin Ling is willing to let him.

He's expecting his nephew to be circumspect if he says anything at all, so he's not too surprised by the slightly strange question. He gives it appropriate consideration.

"Well, he loved me, I think that helped, because sometimes loving somebody is about trusting them, even if you don't know for sure that you can. Trust is about faith just as much as knowing." He frowns, considering it "you'd have to ask him, though, really. Maybe it was because I trusted him, too..."

He wishes he could give him a better answer, but as much as he'd told him to be sure, trust was sometimes just something you felt

~~~

"I mean, I guess he would be the type to throw money at something, or someone.. " he frowns, putting together pieces into something he really didn't like.

"What if Jin Ling isn't like this... what if it's this Zheng Yuan? I mean the Zheng clan are pretty small, what if... what if it's all an act just to get Jin Ling's attention so they can advance their clan?"

Sometimes Zizhen reads too many novels.

Jin Ling struggles to his feet and scowls at his uncle. He wants to kick him in the shins like he would've if he was five. "That's not helpful!" He's just been told he can't trust his feelings and now he was being told that's how he knows. He hates everyone!

"I loved my uncle and look what happened!" Although he wasn't convinced, even at the end, all Jin Guangyao's kindness over the years had been fake. It couldn't all have been a lie, but how would he know? "Just.. forget it! Remember, you promised!"

He storms out of the room. At least he knows about the debt and that he has to find a way to be really strong to take on whatever backlash Yuan gets once they pay for his freedom.

He might also be fleeing because it was super embarrassing to have just had a panic attack in front of his uncle and also, holy crap, what just happened? He's never had a panic attack before.

~~~

"I wonder what he bought him," Jingyi says with a frown. The frown deepens as he realizes at least one thing he saw right away. "He has on some very wealthy robes. They're more expensive than a small clan should be able to afford."

Granted, Jingyi could be a little naïve here. He wasn't from the wealthiest part of the Lan Clan and Cloud Recesses was known for being simple. It might not be too hard to dazzle him with wealth.

"We should keep an eye on him, just in case."

He winces at the reaction, but he sort of understands the lashing out, under the circumstances - especially when Jin Ling brings up his other uncle.

"A-Ling-" he tries, but he's already off, storming out of the room. He really takes after Jiang Cheng sometimes. All times.

He sighs and buries his head in his hands. He clearly wasn't good at this.

~~~

"I have heard Zheng clan are a bit... opportunistic." Zizhen says slowly. He nods firmly.

"Maybe he really is just very smitten with Jin Ling, but you're right, we should keep an eye on him and see if we can figure out what's going on."

Solving a mystery with Jingyi? Sounds like fun...

~~~

Yuan himself has finished eating and decided to explore Lotus Pier a little bit - partly because he'd like to see the place, partly to get a little fresh air and partly just so he didn't go stir crazy waiting for Jin Ling to return.

"Are they really?" Jingyi asks feeling a heavy weight in his stomach. Their friend has no luck at all when it comes to trusting people. If the first person he fell in love with turns out to be using him, this really might ruin him for life. It is hard to say just how bad the spiral might go.

He looks up when he hears rapid footsteps as someone approaches the gazebo quickly. "Jin Ling?"

Their friend freezes with his foot on the step leading up to the platform. He's breathing heavily and pale, clutching a bottle of liquor. Seeing his friends, he'd normally smile and eagerly go sit with them, but he looks tempted to turn and run the opposite direction.

~~~

A quiet brush of qin strings reach Yuan's ear as he's passing by a courtyard. It's on the side away from the water, but underneath an open area where the moon was easy to see. In the center of the path, almost radiating with a peaceful light is the Chief Cultivator Lan Wangji.

The chords begin to flow into a loving, calming melody. For someone who also knows this instrument, there is irony in the song itself due to the calming nature and notes but also it takes remarkably challenging skill needed to play it.

Zizhen nods solemnly, he's about to say something else when he also hears the footsteps and turns to see who it is.

It's immediately obvious that something is very wrong, but Jin Ling is a little like a wild animal at times, in that he can lash out or flee if you make the wrong move, so it takes Zizhen a moment to try and decide on the best course of action.

"Jin Ling," he echoes Jingyi, cheerfully pretending like he doesn't notice the pale look on his face "come and join us?"

He doesn't think he'll refuse a direct invitation.

~~~

The familiar strains of the qin lure him and he turns his steps towards the sound, seeking our their source. He hesitates when he sees the man playing, the sight of him something ethereal that he's not sure he wants to intrude upon, but there's something familiar that draws him in, something about the song, maybe, or his appearance. Something at the back of his mind.

He drifts closer, not wanting to disturb but wanting to stay and listen.

Jingyi looks at Zizhen at first wondering if he doesn't seen the wreck that was their friend before realizing what he was doing. His gaze goes back to their friend, who definitely didn't look like this an hour ago.

Jin Ling really isn't sure he can handle any more. He's afraid to go back to his room because he knows he's going to immediately fall in bed with Yuan. He doesn't know if he can trust himself or the other man. The panic attack was so scary and.. and.. and..

Zizhen's friendly coaxing is like someone holding their hand out patiently to an upset stallion. Slowly the muscles tensed and ready for him to flee relax and Jin Ling searches his friend's face for a moment, asking the very same question he's been asking himself about everyone today. It was getting very exhausting.

He finally clears his throat and tips his head up. He comes over to the table and takes a seat. "Hurry up with your tea so you can drink with me." He plops the jar in the middle of the table and sets his cup next to it.

~~~

Wangji continues to play for a while. He lets the music affect the boy listening to him, giving him some peace as the Song of Clarity flows over him.

However, after the song wanes, he says simply. "Come join me."

Zizhen drains his tea with a grin and slides his cup over to Jin Ling - it's not so much that he is overly eager to drink, but the sooner he and Jingyi join in, the less of that jar the young sect leader will be drinking alone, and he doesn't seem like he's in a good state to be getting completely wasted. He's never going to forgive himself if he gets too drunk and acts the fool at his uncle's wedding.

At least there's plenty of time for him to sober up before the wedding itself.

He gives Jingyi a quick glance and then back to Jin Ling, trying to decide what question might get them the information they need without triggering his temper.

"Zheng-gongzi still resting?" He asks in the end, figuring it's an easy enough question to dismiss if Jin Ling doesn't want to answer it.

~~~

The lingering tension Yuan was feeling - about Jin Ling, about Xiaowen, about his situation - seems to ease as he listens, something calming about the song that makes everything seem a little easier to deal with. He feels at peace when it ends.

He bows deeply to the man at the invitation and crosses over to him to take a seat. Lan clan robes, exceptional skill on the qin, could this possibly be the chief cultivator himself?

"Thank you. You are exceedingly skilled, I couldn't help but be drawn to hear you play." He compliments softly "I am Zheng Yuan."

Ling fills his cup and Zizhen's before giving Jingyi a look. The Lan disciple glances between the two of them before also chugging his cup and passing it over. Normally he'd be the first to speak up, but he knows how easily he pushes his friend's buttons. Something was wrong and he didn't want to make anything worse.

So he gives Zizhen a brief, grateful smile for being the one to brave breaking the silence. Especially since Jin Ling's first move was to drink at least half his cup of liquor in one gulp.

"Yeah, I think so. I'm not sure," Ling answers unhelpfully. He cradles his glass, looking at it instead of his friends.

"Weren't you just in there with him?" Jingyi asks, carefully.

"No. I was talking with my uncle." Pause. "Wei Wuxian." Since, he has two here.

"Why were you talking to him?" Jingyi prods lightly. Who would go talk to Wei Wuxian (or any uncle) if they were in talking to someone they were clearly so infatuated with?

"To steal his liquor, what's it to you?" Jin Ling snaps, shooting Jingyi a glare.

~~~

Wangji bows his head in turn. "La Zhan, courtesy name Wangji. It's an honor." He quietly considers the young man for a moment. "Do you play?" He asks, gesturing to the guqin.

Zizhen sips his liquor slowly and tries to keep the frown from his face, though he gives a sidelong glance to Jingyi - it's clear his friend (and crush) is on the same wavelength as him. Something is very wrong here.

"How is your uncle?" He asks, dialling the interrogation back a little to try and lower Jin Ling's defences. If that doesn't work, he'll change the subject entirely until their friend decides he wants to talk about whatever is very clearly bothering him.

Maybe it will be a good idea to let him get a little drunk.

~~~

"The honour is mine, your excellency," Yuan nods, glad for the confirmation so he knows to be extra cautious of his manners.

"I do," he nods "I have been learning for the past year or so."

"Stupid." Jin Ling grumbles and finishes his drink. He reaches for the bottle to refill it. He'd really hoped Wei Wuxian would be easier to talk to. That somehow there'd just magically be some obvious way to share what was bothering him in a way that wouldn't be humiliating or childish, but of course there hadn't been. Granted, that really had a lot more to do with Ling than Wuxian, but it was frustrating. He knows he can't talk to Jiang Cheng about this, so he'd thought there would be a chance with someone less conventional but.. sadly, you still had to actually talk to explain the situation. Why couldn't he just know?

"Ever heard of a spell or moment when a person just can't breathe? Like.. there's nothing causing it. They just.. can't for some reason."

~~~

Wangji considers this for a moment before quietly turning his qin around. "Show me."

Zizhen does frown at that, tilting his head curiously. It's an odd question and he isn't sure what to make of it.

"Do you mean like.. if there's something wrong with their lungs or.. or like a panic attack?" One of his sisters gets those and they seem sort of like what he's describing.

Now that he thinks about it, she always looks sort of pale and shaken after she's had one, a little bit like Jin Ling does now...

~~~

"Oh..." Yuan is immediately intimidated to play in front of not only the chief cultivator himself, but also someone who is so clearly very skilled. He nods, though, and takes a deep breath. He's still feeling calm from the other man's song, which helps.

He takes a moment to get comfortable in front of the instrument and choose a song before he starts to play.

Jingyi is completely lost. He's pretty sure if he speaks, he's going to set his friend off again, but he's incredibly curious about what he's talking about. He also wonders if he can stick a talisman on Jin Ling's back to just the crap and make him start talking.

"No, not.. what's a panic attack?" Ling asks, still making a point not to look at either one of the guys he's sitting with. He's starting to think this was stupid and he should just go to bed. Too many people tonight were seeing him fraying at the edges and he needs to make that stop. He could find his calm again if he just tries.

"Actually, never mind." He looks up at Zizhen and tries to smile. "We should plan a night hunt soon for the four of us."

~~~

The boy had promise, Lan Zhan could tell right away. Between the song he chose and his ear for the subtle shifts in the tempo, the Lan Jade was impressed. He also was curious by how well Wangji, the instrument, took to the boy.

"No," he interrupts when he sees a misstep. "Keep your wrist loose. Go back a measure."

Zizhen is about to respond when Jin Ling dismisses it and changes the subject and he hesitates, uncertain if he should push the matter or not. He looks over at Jingyi, then back to Jin Ling and decides what the hell.

"Ling. We're your best friends. Whatever is bothering you, just tell us."

~~~

Yuan freezes when he says no, worried for a second until the gentle correction comes. He nods, determination in his expression - how often do you get instruction from somebody this skilled?

He goes back as instructed, replying the phrase.

His gaze drops to his cup, but instead of shutting down or erupting or whatever other bad reaction his friends might have expected, he blurts out, "I think I had a panic attack and it freaked me out."

Jingyi's going to write Zizhen a sonnet for this. "Was it something your uncle did" He asks as gently as he could.

Ling shakes his head. "No, it's.. I don't know what happened." Not entirely the truth, but he didn't want to get into that part of it. "I just couldn't breathe and I was on my knees.." He shakes his head. "What if something like that were to happen in front of everyone? They'd think I have a weak constitution."

~~~

"Good," Lan Zhan says with a nod when he does it correctly. He falls quiet again, listening. He doesn't interrupt again until the song is complete. "You have talent. Have you trained your cultivation skills, Zheng-gongzi?"

Zizhen is a little surprised when it works, but sometimes you just have to be blunt with Jin Ling - it's always a gamble, but he's glad he got lucky this time.

"It sounds like a panic attack," Zizhen agrees "sometimes having one doesn't always mean you'll have another, if you're under an unusual amount of pressure... but you can learn the signs and either prevent it or get away from people before it happens."

~~~

"Thank you," he blushes, ducking his head at the praise. It's strange, but nice, to get complimented on his playing. "Oh...I... I haven't had the... opportunity...."

He doesn't even know if he has the spiritual power for that sort of thing.

"Yeah, and who cares if others see it? We're more worried about you! Why are you under so much stress? You looked so happy with Yuan! He's such a sweetheart. Did something happen?" Jingyi asks, pushing things a few steps further.

Ling is torn between feeling flattered at how much his friends care and feeling the additional pressure. No, not torn. He just feels both and the added pressure is heavy on his shoulders. He shakes his head, but his focus catches on something. "You like him?" He asks, looking up. A bit of hope bubbling up. If his friends approve of Yuan too, maybe they could help him see if he's being played or not.

"Yeah, I do. I uh.. I don't know if I believe how you met though," Jingyi admits. He's a Lan, after all, so he can't lie. "Two dire bears? No injuries?"

Jin Ling scowls at him. "Who said I wasn't injured?" He holds his wrist out to Zizhen. "Feel how low my spiritual energy is! This is three days later!" Okay maybe he does have a little Jin in him.

~~~

Wangji tilts his head to the side curiously looking at the young man. "Do as I do." He places his hands in front of him as though they were holding an imaginary sphere, one on top and the other on bottom, sphere in the center.

"Clear your mind of everything else and picture your heart within your hands. It may help to picture someone who gets your emotions stirring or something you're very passionate about. Focus all that within your hands."

It was a simple task and described quite differently to young Lan disciples, but Wangji figures the boy was a little more worldly than some of those sheltered kids. It is to produce a ball of golden light from his core, assuming he had one.

Wangji believes he does. The boy doesn't seem mediocre to him.

Zizhen nods along with what Jingyi's saying - they're both concerned about him, and however much Zizhen has his doubts about whether or not this Zheng Yuan is on the level, he's not going to stop supporting Jin Ling for a second.

He's also not stupid enough to voice those doubts right now.

He does reach out to take Jin Ling's wrist though, and okay, his spiritual energy is very low.

"...maybe that's part of why it happened. You've pushed yourself too much."

~~~

Yuan looks confused, but he does as he's told, holding his hands in front of him. He closes his eyes so he can concentrate, but it's not hard to decide what to think about - his heart in his hands? Someone who stirs his emotions, something he's passionate about? It all leads to Jin Ling.

He focuses all his affection, his desire, his love, imagining channeling it into the space between his hands. It feels warm, and he can almost see the light behind his eyelids - his eyes fly open and he can see the golden ball of energy floating in front of him. He gasps.

"Am I... is that... am I doing that?"

Jingyi frowns. "Why are you lying to us? You suck at healing so whatever your spiritual energy is low from isn't from healing yourself."

Jin Ling glares at his friend. "I've had to get better." And that was completely true! "I helped A-Yuan on the way here when he was seasick and put him to sleep so he wouldn't suffer."

"You did what?!" Jingyi slaps the table. Okay, maybe he's had a little too much to drink. "You just gave yourself permission to control someone like that? Don't you know that's how cultivators can get really bad reputations! What if he finds out what you did? He'll be totally creeped out! Do you think you own him or something?"

Ling's expression turns stricken and he tries to get up to storm off, but Zizhen is holding his wrist and he's been drinking. He loses his balance and falls back down ungracefully.

~~~

"Yes," the faintest smile touches Lan Zhan's lips. "That's is piece of your golden core. You have a cultivator spirit and should be in training." Given how quickly he just did that, he should definitely be in training. "You would bring honor to the Zheng family."

Zizhen gasps - Jingyi isn't totally wrong, but to say something like that so bluntly without finding out the situation, he knows it's only going to cause trouble.

Which it does, but thankfully (he thinks?) Jin Ling doesn't manage to actually flee. Zizhen keeps hold of his wrist even after he falls.

"Ling," he says worriedly "Jingyi didn't mean it like that, you know that, it's just... come on, talk to us, there's obviously something going on, we're your friends, we want to help."

~~~

The glowing ball flickers and dies as he flinches at those words.

"I-I'm sorry," he apologises, dropping his hands "I was just.. startled. You... really think I should train as a cultivator?"

He tries to sound excited, pleased, but there's an edge of bitterness that he can't quite fight away - he knows that's not on the cards for him. He won't bring honour to any family, least of all his own, and definitely not the Zheng clan. It hurts to have something dangled in front of him like that, another opportunity he can't take.

It's really a wonder how these two managed to stay friends all these years without killing each other. Zizhen really has his hands full with their hot-headed personalities.

"You can't! No one can help!" He shouts at them. "There's no one but me!"

Jingyi put a hand to his heart feeling awful for what he said, but not sure what Ling was saying either. "You have your uncle-"

"I had an uncle. He tried to kill me. Remember? Also, what would happen to a small force like the Yunmeng Jiang Clan if someone went after them to get to me? He needs to focus on here and his new life with his bride, not on what's going on with me. I can't be that selfish." Not anymore.

~~~

Lan Zhan remains silent watching the storm of pain on Yuan's face and in his eyes. He knows the excuse is untrue, but doesn't care. It's irrelevant in comparison to the grief.

Zheng Yuan is being abused. Whether it was the clan itself or some other cause, obviously the Chief Cultivator doesn't know but he will. "Do you live with your family?" He asks carefully. If so, the Zheng manor is getting a visitor.

Zizhen stares for a moment, a little horrified - it's clear whatever is going on with Jin Ling has been building for a while, he's at breaking point and he feels totally alone, Zizhen can see that in his eyes, hear the desperation in his voice.

"Ling, you have us," he says, soft but certain "even if we can't share any of your burden, you can talk to us about it, maybe there's something we can do to help? The same is true of your uncles, you know... I understand why you might not want to share this with them, but I think they'd want to help you if they could..."

~~~

"I..." he doesn't know how to answer that, he doesn't know why it's being asked. He knows the Zheng family will cover for him if anybody asks questions that's the deal they have with Madame, but he doesn't want to say he lives there and for a visit to be paid, since they would find him very definitely not there.

"I'm very sorry, your excellency, I told Jin-zongzhu I would meet him before we retired for the night and I really ought to go or I will be late," it's a flimsy as hell excuse, and he hates that it might reflect badly on Jin Ling, but he needs to get out of there before any more questions are asked. "This was.. this was very nice. Thank you for your instruction, and your advice. I will.. thank you." He bows deeply and turns to flee.

He sighs heavily, his shoulders slumping. He put a hand to his forehead and reached to take another (much smaller) sip of his wine. "They would and then they'd get hurt, just like you guys. I really shouldn't even be here but I couldn't miss my uncle's wedding." There would've been way too many questions and hurt feelings from that. He never would've forgiven himself either, though if any gets hurt he likely wouldn't forgive himself for that either.

"And you guys are right. A-Yuan and I didn't meet the way we said. We were just introduced and we really clicked. I knew I was going to get pressured again for a wife and I keep getting put in.. some really uncomfortable situations.. I don't want to get into the details, but he's my date but he's also to help keep everyone off my back. I just didn't think I'd end up liking him as much as I do." It was scary how much he likes him. He gave Jingyi a glare. "And he trusts me and I wasn't creepy about making him sleep! He was really sick and hurting. When he woke from it and I told him, he was relieved and thanked me, you dick."

~~~

In a flash of white silk, Wangji was in front of Zheng Yuan holding a hand up to stop him. For those who knew him (which, Yuan was not) they'd know this wasn't aggressive since Bichen wasn't in the hand he was using to block Yuan's way. However, it likely didn't feel peaceful.

"Is Jin-zongzhu helping or hurting you?"

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