lastjinstanding | Brothel meme continued

That is definitely not helping with the blush! He also feels terrible taking advantage of this knowledge that Yuan should never have had to build. However since it's there..

He takes a deep breath and blurts out, "I slept with Zizhen this morning but I think I did it wrong. We didn't get to the sleeping part, but I was under the covers with him. Then something really embarrassing happened and I think he could tell through my robes and um.. I don't know. Will he still want to marry me if I'm not a virgin anymore?"

Yuan bites back on his first response which is to point out that if not being a virgin stopped you from getting married he was, pun intended, fucked. Not that he wanted to marry anyone other than Jin Ling, anyway, and Yuan's lack of virginity was at the bottom (pun not intended) of a very long list of reasons that wasn't going to happen.

"Jingyi," he starts gently "it's quite common for young men to-" he stops, the key points of Jingyi's rambling explanation suddenly catching his attention.

"Hang on, through your robes? You were still dressed?"

Yuan's situation was so weird and unique, there was just no way it could compare to Jingyi's at all! Jingyi has all sorts of rules and who knew what Yuan was going to be expected to do or not do. It didn't seem like Jin Ling really cared. He was mad over the boy, so who cared? Never mind that the same logic could be applied to Jingyi's relationship with Zizhen and his 'not-weird or unique' situation.

He puts a hand on his chest, thrown off by even the question. "Yes, of course. I wouldn't be indecent in front of him! I mean.." He glances around, making absolute certain they weren't being overheard and lowers his voice. "I- I did remove my top few robes!" Snicker. He was so bad! "B- but I was in his bed. We kissed!"

Yuan takes a steady breath, processing Jingyi's absolutely scandalised tone and reassessing just how innocent the boy apparently is - he had assumed, with Jin Ling's clear experience and his own many, many encounters, that most young men had probably engaged in something before (and after) they were married, but apparently this does not apply to Jingyi.

"So, you kissed but you were still clothed..." he says slowly "Jingyi... what do you think 'sleeping together' actually entails?"

Jingyi frowns at Yuan confused and starts looking even more embarrassed that he was clearly missing something important. What had he done wrong? He glances toward the house wondering if Zizhen will forgive him for whatever etiquette he breached.

Taking a shaky breath, he pulls from his robe a picture like, again, it's the most shocking and risque thing ever before showing it to Yuan. It is, by far, the most mild and frankly unhelpful porn. The male couple are in bed, with the blankets covering the bottom half of their bodies. They're embracing and kissing. One has robes still on and from the looks of it, there are several layers of robes, and the other might have lingerie or just his inner robe but it has draped just slightly suggestively down his shoulder. That's it. That's the 'porn'.

"See? We did that," he explains helplessly. "But last night you said that jar was meant for something and the most embarrassing thing happened when we were kissing. I couldn't help it. I haven't um.. I haven't mastered being able to keep the 'stiffness' away. I know the cold springs is supposed to help but we're not allowed going out at night. A- and even if I could I tried really hard not to but I.." His eyes were welling up from the sheer horror and embarrassment of it all. "I think he may have noticed. How do I sleep with him without being so disrespectful to him?"

Yuan presses his lips together and tries so, so hard not to laugh. It's almost adorable, really, how flustered and naive Jingyi was about this whole thing. The picture was bad enough, but the mortified explanation that the embarrassing thing that had happened was that he had got an erection nearly sends him over the edge.

After a long moment of silence, he nods slowly, takes another steadying breath and decides where to begin.

"First of all, this?" he taps the picture "Is a... poor representation of what happens. They're still clothed for one thing, and traditionally for sex one is not,"

He'll stick with the basics, he thinks, Jingyi can't take more than that.

"The... uh... stiffness is also part of the process. It's not disrespectful to be turned on by the person you love, actually it's a good thing."

He pauses, frowning thoughtfully. He could ask Wei-qianbei if he could borrow some of his books, but they might be a little too... advanced.

"Would you like me to explain the process in full to you?"

The longer he waits, the worse this feels. He wonders what Yuan must think of him to do such a thing in Zizhen's presence. He must think he has no respect for the other boy at all!

"But.." He was supposed to be..? "How 'not clothed'?" He asks innocently. Surely Yuan didn't mean they were to take everything off. Did he? They weren't animals! Well, he was sometimes, he thought with shame. Last night, he'd waited until the issue had very painfully gone away, but he thought that was part of his punishment for being a horribly sick person.

"There's.. a process?" He asks, uncertain. He glances back up at the building. "Would you maybe explain it to Zizhen too? Not now! Just.. I don't want him to go back to Baling without.. um.. without doing this correctly."

"Completely not clothed." Yuan says, then he pauses and concedes "Well I suppose you could still wear one robe, if it was open."

He follows Jingyi's gaze up to Zizhen (who is still being very effectively distracted by Wei Wuxian's stories) and nods.

"I'll find a time to speak to him about it, as well," he agrees - just in case Zizhen is equally innocent, because the poor idiots would never get anything done if they were both like that. He pauses to consider if he should be telling Jingyi any of this, and then decides that he's only going to get himself into trouble without proper information, at least if he knows what to do there's going to be no misunderstandings or injury caused.

"Right," he says, and launches into a very thorough and surprisingly businesslike explanation of sex with another man.

(He does explain it's a little different with a woman, but doesn't go into detail)

His eyes go wide from the moment he starts talking to the moment he finishes. He is a mix of horrified and fascinated by everything he's being told. It's evident by everything in his expression that all of this is brand new information too. Absolutely nothing, even the stuff that would be similar for a man or a woman, is familiar to him.

He's quiet for a few minutes when Yuan is done processing all of this. "How.. um.. how do you know which one should do which part?" He asks finally. "Is there some etiquette you're supposed to follow to decide who gets to be the one um.. being laid upon or doing the laying upon?" He can see both being a lot of fun. He wonders which Zizhen would like. Is there one he's been dreaming of? Did he even know this was how men were together?

"Where should I go with him? It's a room of bunk beds in the dormitory."

"Not... etiquette, as such," Yuan says slowly "some people have a preference, others enjoy either, it's something you can decide with your partner."

The second question gives him pause, though, because where can they go in a place like this? They should probably avoid having their first time in a room full of other people.

"You know this place better than I. It doesn't have to be a bed, but you'll want somewhere private, warm and comfortable. The first time should be able... exploring one another. Getting to know what you like. You should find somewhere you won't be disturbed. You also don't have to rush this, you know, it's perfectly okay to just kiss until you're ready for more."

Jingyi is so sweet and innocent, Yuan thinks his first experience should be perfect in a way that his never got to be.

"You mean.. you have to talk about that?" Oh the horror! You have to talk about sex with the person you're having sex with! Yuan, what were you telling this poor guy.

The rest of what he says is so unexpectedly sweet. It's still amazingly inappropriate like the rest of this conversation- not Yuan's fault- but Jingyi can feel the care in it too. He looks at his new friend and before he can stop himself, he hugs him. It isn't fair that Yuan didn't get to be treated so nicely. It's confusing but Jingyi is certain he loves Yuan somehow. He can't quite define how since it's not how he feels for Zizhen, but it's there and it's genuine.

He draws back, his eyes a little misty. "I think we were meant to be sworn brothers. You and I."

"Jingyi," he says gently "you should always communicate during sex."

It might be embarrassing, but it was much better than the alternative. Yuan has learned to pick up the cues and figure out what people like based on their reactions, but Jingyi doesn't have to do that, not with someone he loves. It's healthier to be able to talk, he thinks.

Then suddenly Jingyi is hugging him and he isn't quite sure how to handle that but he hugs him back, patting him on the shoulder softly as his expression softens from surprise into a gentle smile. There's something so strange and wholesome about physical affection from somebody who definitely does not want to have sex with him, it's something he's been lacking in his life.

"Sw-sworn brothers?" he repeats, blinking "You'd want- I mean I- I'm not even- Really?"

Yuan is actually blushing.

"Promiscuity is forbidden! I'm sure talking about promiscuity falls under that too!" He protests, until he realizes just how silly that statement was. He's already admitted he's wanting to break one rule, why wouldn't he break the other one? "Are you sure you can't just tell somehow?"

It'd be so much easier if there was some fancy ritual like dropping a handkerchief and if Zizhen picks it up a certain way then it's an indication he wants to be nailed in the ass.. Whew, he fans himself, where did that thought come from?

He steps back a little to give Yuan some room, but he keeps an arm hooked around the crook of Yuan's elbow. "Yes, really! You're so sweet and helpful and kind and.. I don't know how people go about doing this but I'll find out, okay? Wei Wuxian is the sworn brother of Jiang Cheng and Zewu Ju once had two sworn brothers. They were all from different sects. I know we haven't known each other very well, but don't you feel it too?"

"Promiscuity is sleeping with lots of different people. Sleeping with the person you love isn't that." Yuan says firmly - he's long ago shed any ideas about sex being wrong or shameful and he thinks those ideas are, frankly, stupid, but he's willing to at least concede that other people have them and let people breve what they wish - as long as their definitions are accurate. Jingyi shouldn't feel ashamed for wanting to sleep with the person he loves.

"And I'm sure." Even when you think it might be blatantly obvious, you'd be surprised. You can guess, and sometimes you can be right, but it's no guarantee until you get somebody in bed and actually ask what they like.

He smiles softly at Jingyi and nods.

"I suppose I do know what you mean. You and Zizhen are sort of my first real friends, in a way..." he admits shyly.

Yuan sees yet another epiphany dawn on Jingyi's face like a secret to the universe being revealed instead of being given a different definition. It wasn't wrong to sleep with someone you loved? He looks up at Zizhen. Could it be? Was it really possible that he might not be committing a sin to sleep with.. and by sleep with, he means have sex with (since now he knows the difference).. the person he is hoping will ask for his hand?

It makes him wonder if all this time those little incidents where Wei Wuxian and Hanguang Jun were rumored to do such scandalous things if those too weren't actually wrong. Was Yuan right that even what they did last night, excluding the mistake of the talisman was a perfectly natural reunion between spouses? Would Zizhen greet him in such a way whenever they were apart?

"Really? You didn't have any friends where you used to live?" He asks with a frown. "How could that be? Who wouldn't love you? I know Zizhen and I both do."

Yuan smiles softly, both at the obvious revelation he just gave Jingyi, and at the compliment - he's glad to help his friend, especially when his affection comes so easily, without guile or strings attached.

"Things at the Golden Hare were... competitive. Everybody vied for clients, for Madame's attention," attention they were jealous of him for getting. No doubt somebody's already taken scissors to his best robes for getting the Jin Ling job. - he wonders how they'll feel when they find out what happened. He can't bring himself to feel bad, at this point the idea of anybody else being with Jin Ling turns his stomach. "We were friends but not... not with trust, or loyalty, which makes for.. poor friendships."

He reaches out and takes both of Yuan's hands gently. "You won't have to worry about that stuff ever again once you're officially a Lan. We can be competitive here but it's always fair and we support each other. There are occasional squabbles and pettiness but.. I imagine it doesn't get like how you're used to. Our elders are strict but that's because they care about us and want us to do our best. You'll have real friends here."

This time he wasn't speaking from a purely naïve place, even if it sounded like it. He knew that Lan Rong and once in a while Lan Bao could be dumb, but they were never cruel. Even if Rong crossed a line, there were other Lan disciples who stepped in and helped remind him of the righteous path. They would show Yuan this higher way of life and that he was meant to be treated so much better than he has in the past.

Yuan stares at him for a moment, taken aback by such sweet, genuine certainty. It's a little hard for him to entirely believe, he's yet to live in a world for any length of time where people weren't only looking out for themselves - but with the way his parents took him in unquestioningly, the way Hanguang Jun stood by him in front of his uncle, the way Jin Ling was willing to put his reputation on the line just to save Yuan, it's enough to make him think that maybe people can be good, and selfless, and caring.

It's also going to take him a minute to get over once you're officially a Lan, because that's... that's what this is leading to, isn't it?

Lan Yuan....

It doesn't sound so bad, actually.

He smiles, bright and real and grateful, and squeezes Jingyi's hands.

"I already have a real friend here." he says sincerely.

By the time the two come back toward the Jingshi, they're both smiling brightly and Jingyi's eyes are a little misty. They're getting ready to settle on the porch to relax when they see coming up the path not one but two Jade brothers with damp hair.

The significance of this will obviously be lost on Yuan, but this is one of very few times Xichen has been seen since he went into isolation. He's thinner and more pale, not as warm as he once was. However, Lan Zhan has a hold of his hand. In Xichen's other hand is a sealed letter with a very familiar purple ribbon wrapped around it.

He pauses as he sees how many are sitting on the porch. Lan Zhan notices and whispers a few things to him. They bow to each other and he's given the letter. Xichen retreats and there's an almost imperceptible slump to Lan Zhan's shoulders as he watches his brother go.

Zizhen greets them both with a warm smile and no small measure of curiosity in his eyes, wondering what they were talking about, he's about to ask when Wuxian - finally finished with his storytelling - stands up to say he'll leave the boys to it.

Though he's only just stepping away when his husband and brother-in-law appear and he stops in surprise.

"Who is that?" Yuan leans over to whisper to the other two boys.

"Zewu Jun... Lan Xichen," Zizhen whispers back "he's sect leader, only he's been in seclusion for a while now, which is why they're so surprised to see him."

Wuxian approaches his husband as Xichen starts to leave, placing a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

"Lan Zhan..." he says softly, unsure whether to ask about his brother or the letter, though the shade of purple has certainly caught his attention.

"He's your uncle! Hanguang Jun's brother!" Jingyi chimes in. "I've missed him." He was such a good man who didn't deserve what happened to him. None of them did. He reaches out and takes Zizhen's hand, giving it a light squeeze.

Jingyi watches the Chief Cultivator and his husband with new eyes. The two of them were barely doing anything, but he saw the love so strongly especially now that he wasn't judging it. It was more beautiful than he realized too. The simple act of Wei Wuxian's comfort and then Lan Zhan looking back with such adoration. They should be more supported around here than they were, he decides and leans over to rest his head against Zizhen's shoulder.

Lan Zhan gives Wei Ying a small, but sparkling with hope smile. "He's finding his way back. He joined me for a while at the springs."

"My uncle..." Yuan repeats softly, watching the older man as he leaves. He hopes he'll get a chance to meet him properly, though he worries that he might react to him the same way Hanguang Jun's uncle did. He doesn't voice that, though, not when the other two clearly respect him a lot.

Zizhen squeezes Jingyi's hand back with a shy smile - a smile which only grows when Jingyi rests a head on his shoulder. Yuan glances over at them and can't help but echo that pleased expression, he likes to see people happy. True romance is a rare sight in his line of work.

"That's wonderful," Wuxian says sincerely, giving his husband a bright, encouraging smile "Let's hope we start to see more of him soon."

His eyes stray to the letter again.

"News of Jin Ling?" he asks quietly.

"I believe we will," Lan Zhan says with a nod. He has a plan involving some watermelon to lure his brother out again, which was a treat they used to sneak away and eat in the Yashi (Elegant Room) as kids. He hopes he can still find some from the farmers but the season was almost over for that fruit.

"I don't know," he admits and hands over the letter. It was sealed with wax and Jiang Cheng's signet ring. "A disciple caught us as we were coming back up the path saying a messenger had just arrived with it. Wei Ying, the messenger rode hard to get here." So whatever you have to do about this letter, your husband is backing you up.

Two letters had actually been sent out, but only one so urgently.

The first: Inside there is a copied page from one of Wen Qing's old medical books about a remedy or talisman for fighting fevers. The writing is clearly Jiang Cheng's, but it's messier than his usual calligraphy. He also does not usually use this title.

Da Ge

The physicians cannot recreate this and neither can I. It's imperative you keep this quiet. There are too many vultures and spies about. The messenger I sent is fast and reliable. If you can create this please give it to him to return to me.

JC

The second: This one is also incredibly short but it includes copies of two poems and despite being a shorter distance, it likely arrives about the same time.

Little Bird

Little bird! O little bird!
I wonder at what thou doest,
Thou singing merry far from me,
I in sadness all alone!

Little bird! O little bird!
I wonder at how thou art
Thou high on the tips of branching boughs,
I on the ground a-creeping!

Little bird! O little bird!
Thou art music far away,
Like the tender croon of the mother loved
In the kindly sleep of death.

– Celtic Traditional

And-

Remorse - is Memory - awake -
Her Parties all astir -
A Presence of Departed Acts -
At window - and at Door -

Its Past - set down before the Soul
And lighted with a Match -
Perusal - to facilitate -
And help Belief to stretch -
Remorse is cureless - the Disease
Not even God - can heal -
For 'tis His institution - and
The Adequate of Hell -

~~Emily Dickinson~~(Some person sort of like this who might have existed at the time :D)

Dearest Huaisang,

I hope you made it home safely, Little Nightingale. Thank you

Jiang Cheng

Earlier...

Jiang Cheng held a brush poised over the blank page with so many emotions he wanted to express and no words to get them out. He regretted sending Huaisang away like he had and he'd been thinking about how painful the ride home must've been. That had been cruel! How does one begin to apologize for negligence like that? When he couldn't think of any way to express himself, he went through the Jin library and finally found something he could use. They weren't his words, but they expressed something similar enough. Huaisang was an artist. He hoped, prayed, the other man might understand what he was trying to do here. With that, he sends the letter and wonders if he'll get any kind of response at all.

Wei Wuxian opens the letter with such urgency he almost tears the paper, though thankfully he manages not to. He skims the copied page with a frown before turning his attention to the letter, eyes widening slightly at its contents.

He swears under his breath, showing it to Lan Zhan. He can't let Yuan know about this.

"I'm going to work on this immediately," he says softly to his husband, leaning in to kiss his cheek before heading off - for once he actually wants to be in the library pavilion, it's the best place to work on this.

~~~

In Qinghe, Huaisang is surprised to see the purple-ribboned letter, wondering if perhaps it's going to be some polite but terse request for the comb back and thus another tiny break in his already battered heart.

When he finds the poetry inside, however, he can't quite believe his eyes. Poetry. From Jiang Cheng of all people. And such beautiful words! He almost cries.

He reads over the poems several times before he can manage to compose a response, though it's sent mere hours after the messenger arrived in Qinghe.

A-Cheng,

No remorse is required from you, your little bird has quite forgiven any harshness under the circumstances

(He hadn't, until the poetry came, and now he thinks he might be able to forgive anything if it gives him a chance to snatch back the connection they'd had so fleetingly)

But if you're really feeling sorry, you can make it up to me next time I sing for you

Your Nightingale

As sweet and emotive as the poems are, he doesn't dare spill his heart out entirely onto the page - but a little flirting never hurt anybody.

"Good luck," Lan Zhan says watching his husband go. He turns back to the house and ignores the boys for now to go in and light three incense sticks, silently praying everything goes well. He then makes tea for all three boys. Not wanting to intrude beyond the simple of hospitality, he goes back into the Jingshi and lets the three enjoy the porch.

"Well whatever that was about can't be good," Jingyi finally says after having thanked Hanguang Jun for the tea.

~~~

A couple days pass in between receiving the letter and sending a new one. It isn't because Jiang Cheng isn't thrilled to get it- because wow he's never read something like that to him before!- but he frets over what exactly to say back. This time, he includes a pressed peony.

Sweet A-Sang,

To learn I could possibly have an invitation to hear you sing again is the first I've smiled since you've left my side. Even if all I ever were to get from you is a murmur, I'd strive to make up for what I did. Even a harsh circumstance is no excuse for the cruelty of my neglect. For that, I'm truly sorry.

I do hope that if the gods are indeed punishing me, they redirect the focus from Jin Ling to myself soon. I'm uncertain how much more he can take or I.

JC

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